Heh. So've I. Kinda disappointing how they don't offer you the blindfold and the cigarette like they do in cartoons.
[Wade sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. It's a few seconds before he trusts himself to answer.]
I just... I don't even know what to do with this, man! When I found your brother randomly sleeping at our place without so much as a warning, I didn't wanna say anything because of... y'know, the last time I tried to pry. I figured you'd tell me what was going on eventually. And then all of a sudden it was like, okay-- we're getting a new place that'll accommodate all three of us. And I probably should've said something about that, but like... he's your brother. I didn't wanna split you guys up, not after what you told me you went through. Wasn't gonna be that asshole, regardless of how I felt about it.
[Wade's voice has been steadily increasing in volume and intensity with every sentence, and he suddenly gets to his feet and begins to pace.]
But now I find out that you're working for the fucking mob-- on a public forum, even, not even in a private setting-- and just... what the fuck am I even supposed to do with all this? It's frustrating, being kept in the dark like this, and the most frustrating part is that I don't even know if I'm allowed to be frustrated!
[ It's not Nate's place to tell anyone how they should or should not feel, because it doesn't matter what his take is on it. If someone is upset, they've got a reason to be. Whether or not he agrees with it doesn't actually hold weight. ]
With the Sam thing...it was just us for a long time. Then it was just me.
[ Nate starts to peel the plastic label off his beer bottle with an intent look on his face. ]
I didn't want him to be alone here. And I didn't want to renege on my offer to let you stay and share the rent. That was...selfish. With the extra job, it's- I didn't think it was important. But I also guess I just didn't- think. I saw an opportunity to get more information about the mercenaries, and I took it.
[ And that's the problem, is it? That it never occurred to him that there would be blowback, he just reacted to the consequences of a mistake he made, and it was easier not to tell the others when he wanted to put as much distance between them and the casino as he could. ]
I didn't think about you, or Sam, or anyone else. I just wanted to get somewhere and do something so I could get a break from the fucking ghosts.
[The guilt in Nate's voice sears him; cuts right through the anger and the hurt. Who is he to make a big deal about this anyway-- Wade Wilson, the fucking poet laureate of terrible choices and knee-jerk decisions? Hasn't he also tried to fill up the constant voids in his life with inane actions and hare-brained schemes? Next to most of the shit he pulled in his old life, joining the mob is pretty small potatoes. At least Nate didn't accidentally unleash a horde of Venom-infused dinosaurs on a major city or anything like that.
If Nate happens to look Wade's way he'll notice the man visibly wilt; the self-righteous fire in his eyes dimming to something more conciliatory and sympathetic. He stops his pacing around the room, coming over to sit down beside the other man.]
Okay. Okay. Maybe I flew off the handle a little bit there. I know you didn't do it on purpose-- you're not that type of guy.
[He takes a deep breath; lets it out in a sigh. One hand comes up to pinch the bridge of his nose again.]
I guess I was a little selfish too. I mean... we had a good thing going here for a while, y'know? At least, I thought we did. And then your brother shows up and all of a sudden... I dunno. I mean, I get it. He's been with you forever and you thought he was dead, and--
[Wade falls back against the couch, his hands covering his face. His voice is muffled.]
Fuck. I'm so bad at this. Just ignore me, it's fine. You don't gotta explain yourself.
[ We had a good thing going here, and then your brother shows up-
It's a statement that surprises him, because it's not one he ever anticipated hearing from someone as outwardly confident as Wade. Most of that is a show, he knows from their previous conversations, but Nate is starting to grasp - albeit slowly, badly - that it runs a lot deeper than he anticipated.
He's improved exponentially at this "understanding people" thing that Lance has, for years, exposed him to. His gut reaction is that he very suddenly wants to ask if Wade is somehow jealous, for reasons that baffle him, but it's the kind of question that would immediately put someone on the defensive. Nate opens his mouth, closes it again, thinks.
It might be good for all of them to get their own spaces, eventually. Not just rooms in a shared apartment. ]
...no, tell me. [ He stresses, expression open. ] Please. Because I'm kind of an idiot about this stuff most of the time and I can't know unless we talk. So let's talk.
[He wishes he'd never even opened his mouth. He wishes he'd just let things slide-- passed it off with a joke or an inappropriate comment the way he usually did. Hell of a time to break from tradition, all things considered, and for a moment, he struggles with the urge to fall back into that same old habit. Nobody wants to hear about the angst of an insecure mercenary, after all.
Most of all, he wishes Nate would just stop looking at him like that.]
I... [Wade sighs, pushes the palms of his hands against his eyes with a frustrated groan. Kind of ironic that the self-proclaimed Merc with a Mouth would struggle to find the proper words now, when it really mattered.]
I'm being a real asshole about this, I know. But it was you an' me for a while, y'know? And now it's you an' him. And don't get me wrong-- it's not that I don't mind him bein' here or anything. But I guess... I dunno. Maybe I always figured that if anyone was gonna go on some wild tears and get in trouble with some kinda weird off-world mafia... that it'd be us. That's kinda what burns me the most. I think. Um.
[There it is, out in the open, and Wade feels the heat flood to his face over how stupid it really sounds out loud. It suddenly occurs to him that he still has a full can of beer in his hand, and he puts it to his lips and takes a long pull from it. Anything to keep from seeing the expression on Nate's face right now-- incredulity or annoyance or whatever negative emotion he's sure is there.]
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no subject
[Wade sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. It's a few seconds before he trusts himself to answer.]
I just... I don't even know what to do with this, man! When I found your brother randomly sleeping at our place without so much as a warning, I didn't wanna say anything because of... y'know, the last time I tried to pry. I figured you'd tell me what was going on eventually. And then all of a sudden it was like, okay-- we're getting a new place that'll accommodate all three of us. And I probably should've said something about that, but like... he's your brother. I didn't wanna split you guys up, not after what you told me you went through. Wasn't gonna be that asshole, regardless of how I felt about it.
[Wade's voice has been steadily increasing in volume and intensity with every sentence, and he suddenly gets to his feet and begins to pace.]
But now I find out that you're working for the fucking mob-- on a public forum, even, not even in a private setting-- and just... what the fuck am I even supposed to do with all this? It's frustrating, being kept in the dark like this, and the most frustrating part is that I don't even know if I'm allowed to be frustrated!
no subject
[ It's not Nate's place to tell anyone how they should or should not feel, because it doesn't matter what his take is on it. If someone is upset, they've got a reason to be. Whether or not he agrees with it doesn't actually hold weight. ]
With the Sam thing...it was just us for a long time. Then it was just me.
[ Nate starts to peel the plastic label off his beer bottle with an intent look on his face. ]
I didn't want him to be alone here. And I didn't want to renege on my offer to let you stay and share the rent. That was...selfish. With the extra job, it's- I didn't think it was important. But I also guess I just didn't- think. I saw an opportunity to get more information about the mercenaries, and I took it.
[ And that's the problem, is it? That it never occurred to him that there would be blowback, he just reacted to the consequences of a mistake he made, and it was easier not to tell the others when he wanted to put as much distance between them and the casino as he could. ]
I didn't think about you, or Sam, or anyone else. I just wanted to get somewhere and do something so I could get a break from the fucking ghosts.
no subject
If Nate happens to look Wade's way he'll notice the man visibly wilt; the self-righteous fire in his eyes dimming to something more conciliatory and sympathetic. He stops his pacing around the room, coming over to sit down beside the other man.]
Okay. Okay. Maybe I flew off the handle a little bit there. I know you didn't do it on purpose-- you're not that type of guy.
[He takes a deep breath; lets it out in a sigh. One hand comes up to pinch the bridge of his nose again.]
I guess I was a little selfish too. I mean... we had a good thing going here for a while, y'know? At least, I thought we did. And then your brother shows up and all of a sudden... I dunno. I mean, I get it. He's been with you forever and you thought he was dead, and--
[Wade falls back against the couch, his hands covering his face. His voice is muffled.]
Fuck. I'm so bad at this. Just ignore me, it's fine. You don't gotta explain yourself.
no subject
It's a statement that surprises him, because it's not one he ever anticipated hearing from someone as outwardly confident as Wade. Most of that is a show, he knows from their previous conversations, but Nate is starting to grasp - albeit slowly, badly - that it runs a lot deeper than he anticipated.
He's improved exponentially at this "understanding people" thing that Lance has, for years, exposed him to. His gut reaction is that he very suddenly wants to ask if Wade is somehow jealous, for reasons that baffle him, but it's the kind of question that would immediately put someone on the defensive. Nate opens his mouth, closes it again, thinks.
It might be good for all of them to get their own spaces, eventually. Not just rooms in a shared apartment. ]
...no, tell me. [ He stresses, expression open. ] Please. Because I'm kind of an idiot about this stuff most of the time and I can't know unless we talk. So let's talk.
no subject
Most of all, he wishes Nate would just stop looking at him like that.]
I... [Wade sighs, pushes the palms of his hands against his eyes with a frustrated groan. Kind of ironic that the self-proclaimed Merc with a Mouth would struggle to find the proper words now, when it really mattered.]
I'm being a real asshole about this, I know. But it was you an' me for a while, y'know? And now it's you an' him. And don't get me wrong-- it's not that I don't mind him bein' here or anything. But I guess... I dunno. Maybe I always figured that if anyone was gonna go on some wild tears and get in trouble with some kinda weird off-world mafia... that it'd be us. That's kinda what burns me the most. I think. Um.
[There it is, out in the open, and Wade feels the heat flood to his face over how stupid it really sounds out loud. It suddenly occurs to him that he still has a full can of beer in his hand, and he puts it to his lips and takes a long pull from it. Anything to keep from seeing the expression on Nate's face right now-- incredulity or annoyance or whatever negative emotion he's sure is there.]