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{ inbox } ethyraia

@indy
This is Nate. Leave a message.

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hey, is this the number for applebee's carside to go?

Sorry, this is Bill's Mortuary Service for Assassins.

You stab 'em, we slab 'em.

Do you have any buy 1 get 1 half off specials? I got a corpse that's just from the waist down.

Well, it IS Torso-less Tuesday.

I could bump off 45%.

This probably seems like a weird leap, but that makes me miss tacos so fucking bad

I’m sorry, man. I could go for carne asada right about now too.

It could be worse
It's not off-brand fruit loops and Ron's milk
What are the odds we can figure out alien sushi without accidentally eating a puffer fish?

You know, I kind of wonder if they’ve got a list of things that adventurous people have tried and written down the effects of? Or whether they died or it was fine? Someone on this ship of thousands had to have tasted the local glowing mushrooms at some point

they've got to be storing it in a database somewhere
I wonder if I can get to it through the linked communications device, or at least sweet talk somebody into letting me use their computer for a minute

Aww, I have faith in you. You could sweet talk anyone into anything

hey
on the off chance I can't
have you sworn off a life of crime yet

Ian

You want me to STEAL from someone???

I know you're joking but I immediately feel a little regret
also I got really focused and just noticed you were flirting with me so
hi

It’s fine, I know you’re only dating me for my excellent dexterity

hi :)

that's doing a huge disservice to your chest

Can you break it down into percentages for me? I need to know how all the parts shake out

you really wanna open this can of worms
because I can break down the numbers
I don't know if you're ready for that

The anticipation is killing me, now I HAVE to know

hit me with it, Mr. Engineer

just kidding

5% hands
5% you're fucking crazy
5% chest
10% shoulders + shoulder holster, I cannot stress this enough
15% face
20% heart
40% brain

Edited 2021-05-28 21:21 (UTC)

I don’t know how you made math sound so sincere but

you did it

what happens if I don’t have the shoulder holster on

Math can be very romantic when you're dating an engineer, Winnesota

& nothing, I just really, really like that shoulder holster

I go by Misconsin now, actually.

Gonna go out on a limb and say you had a crush on Indiana Jones as a teenager, didn’t you?

I don't see what that has to do with me looking really cool right now and how dare you typecast me

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