[ It's a soft, honest reassurance that feels gutting. There's a lot he should say. There's a lot he isn't prepared to say. It scares him, how willing Ian is to accept him at face value, a certain amount of trust being extended that he knows he doesn't deserve and knows further still that Ian doesn't offer often. If ever.
It's another long minute before he responds. ]
that means a lot more to me than i think i can actually convey to you.
( He does. He thinks he does. He's not sure what exactly Nate's trying for, whether it's to be like they -- kind of like they were in another life, or to just be okay again, or if he's trying to figure out where on that spectrum they ought to land. In the end, the direction doesn't matter as much as the effort right now.
Maybe. Somebody ask Lance.
Anyway, as uncomfortable as it is to admit -- let alone put into actual text: )
[ Ian's done more than his fair share in whatever this is, so much so that Nate actively makes a face upon reading his text. The struggle is in putting a name to the vagueness that still hovers like a dense fog around them. An unsurety that chips away infinitesimal amounts of bedrock, like the steady dripping of water off a stalactite as it bores a smooth surface far below.
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It's another long minute before he responds. ]
that means a lot more to me than i think i can actually convey to you.
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( Because he can't think of anything that tops it in terms of raw, open honesty in recent memory. Or, at least, recent memory in this life.
It comes with a tight grip to his chest, and the ridiculous feeling that he just passed some kind of test he wasn't aware he was taking. )
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i'm trying.
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( He does. He thinks he does. He's not sure what exactly Nate's trying for, whether it's to be like they -- kind of like they were in another life, or to just be okay again, or if he's trying to figure out where on that spectrum they ought to land. In the end, the direction doesn't matter as much as the effort right now.
Maybe. Somebody ask Lance.
Anyway, as uncomfortable as it is to admit -- let alone put into actual text: )
me too
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Methodical. Slow. Inescapable. ]
what a pair huh[ Don't do that, Jesus, Nate. ]
save me a drink for when i get back?
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( A relatively safe call-back, but also a decent reminder that he cared about Nate before all this. Just in case that matters. )
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