he was a total asshole to me when i was just trying to get him to help the people coming back, and he never treats me that way so i figured something else must be wrong
it was just me and sam for a long time, we only ever looked out for each other because we were all we had. that kind of mentality doesn't always leave you, you know?
[ He probably wouldn't want to share so much were it not for the Aerie, for what it did, but- ]
it's not even a "just friends" thing, it's that we didn't really HAVE friends. we just had each other, for years. we left the orphanage when he was old enough to be my guardian and that was it. we moved around too often to know people for long.
[ It's hard to describe how isolating that gets, what you'd do for the only person you really trust. What you'd feel like you owed them, for everything. ]
sam basically raised me, he had to make sure we had food and money until i was old enough to pull my weight. it's not like he's got this ironclad opinion that everyone needs to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, it's that WE did because no one ever helped us. we never EXPECTED anyone to help us.
he stopped being a kid so i could be one. he had to be the ruthless negotiator because i couldn't be. we scrapped for every peso and every meal because no one was gonna do it for us.
so asking him to to go out of his way to help somebody else - especially somebody he doesn't know - is asking a lot. it's not like he's trying to be selfish. it's just what he knows.
they're not too hard to connect, it's just not something we really talk about. i'm sure he was being a dick, that's what happens when he gets put on the spot in a way that makes him uncomfortable. trust me, i've been on the receiving end.
[ Nathan, if you're...confused...about what we're doing here? Then you can go home. ]
i'm not excusing whatever he might've said, but if you haven't lived that way, it's difficult to describe what it does to you. i had the luxury of years on my own, sam got [ Trapped. Nearly died. Shoved into solitary for Christ knows how long. He still hasn't told Nate the real details, and Nate knows that's by design. ] stuck.
unlearning something that comes that easy to him is going to be hard. and even then, it's unfair to hold him to whatever expectations you've got for him.
[ All he'd asked, when Sam arrived in this place, was that he wouldn't lie to Nate again. A simple request, a seemingly easy one that Sam refused to commit to because it's Sam. Nate loves his brother, but sometimes he really wants to punch him in the mouth. ]
he likes you. it's probably part of the reason why you haven't seen him like this before. he's not like this all the time, so i guarantee he just got defensive. you could say it's a genetic trait.
[ Honestly, he's shared a lot already, which isn't something he's comfortable with, particularly when it's not just an accurate description of Sam's life. It's Nate's life, too. ]
that's not for me to speculate. he'll work through his crap in his own time, however long that takes.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
no subject
so i figured something else must be wrong
1/3
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
it was just me and sam for a long time, we only ever looked out for each other because we were all we had. that kind of mentality doesn't always leave you, you know?
no subject
but what mentality do you mean?
he only looks out for his friends, or something else?
no subject
it's not even a "just friends" thing, it's that we didn't really HAVE friends. we just had each other, for years. we left the orphanage when he was old enough to be my guardian and that was it. we moved around too often to know people for long.
[ It's hard to describe how isolating that gets, what you'd do for the only person you really trust. What you'd feel like you owed them, for everything. ]
sam basically raised me, he had to make sure we had food and money until i was old enough to pull my weight. it's not like he's got this ironclad opinion that everyone needs to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, it's that WE did because no one ever helped us. we never EXPECTED anyone to help us.
he stopped being a kid so i could be one.
he had to be the ruthless negotiator because i couldn't be.
we scrapped for every peso and every meal because no one was gonna do it for us.
so asking him to to go out of his way to help somebody else - especially somebody he doesn't know - is asking a lot. it's not like he's trying to be selfish. it's just what he knows.
no subject
i don't know
connect the dots
that seems so lonely
even now, i mean
no subject
[ Nathan, if you're...confused...about what we're doing here? Then you can go home. ]
i'm not excusing whatever he might've said, but if you haven't lived that way, it's difficult to describe what it does to you. i had the luxury of years on my own, sam got [ Trapped. Nearly died. Shoved into solitary for Christ knows how long. He still hasn't told Nate the real details, and Nate knows that's by design. ] stuck.
unlearning something that comes that easy to him is going to be hard. and even then, it's unfair to hold him to whatever expectations you've got for him.
[ All he'd asked, when Sam arrived in this place, was that he wouldn't lie to Nate again. A simple request, a seemingly easy one that Sam refused to commit to because it's Sam. Nate loves his brother, but sometimes he really wants to punch him in the mouth. ]
he likes you. it's probably part of the reason why you haven't seen him like this before. he's not like this all the time, so i guarantee he just got defensive. you could say it's a genetic trait.
no subject
[Because she does that. A lot.]
what else do you think he's gotten
stuck on?
no subject
[ Honestly, he's shared a lot already, which isn't something he's comfortable with, particularly when it's not just an accurate description of Sam's life. It's Nate's life, too. ]
that's not for me to speculate. he'll work through his crap in his own time, however long that takes.
no subject
gossip about him or anything, right?
no subject
it's just not my place to guess what's going on with him beyond what i actually know
no subject
well just, um
make sure he's okay for me?
he doesn't really open up to me about stuff like that