That's one of the many ways I'm flexible, but unfortunately the rest of them probably won't absolve the other things on your rap sheet.
[ Matter-of-factly, and just a touch apologetic. Sorry, mister black market acquisition pick pocketing troubled youth.
The song changes, he pauses, then shoots an accusatory look at his MP3 player for a second. Okay, listen- ]
Shut up, shh, don't even say anything, that doesn't count.
[ He is a victim of fate and circumstance here, okay. Fingers crossed this is one of those random pop culture black holes in Nate's resume. Lots of places like that band. ]
[ Nate hums sagaciously, as though the statement were fraught with all sorts of wisdom and not the slightly suggestive implications he is almost certain Ian is implying. Fortunately Nate doesn’t have to linger for very long, because the music changes and Ian’s sudden mild panic becomes an utterly encompassing preoccupation.
Eyebrows climbing toward his hairline Nate’s teeth dig into his lower lip, a poor excuse for masking the satisfaction at Ian’s expense. He shouldn’t look pleased, but- ]
Wow. Red Hot Chili Peppers, deep cut. Should I ask what “counts?”
[ He answers brightly, conversationally, because in the three seconds he has to think about it nothing clever comes to mind.
Though, honestly, it's hard to be anything but amused when Nate's wearing that expression. Even at his own expense. He settles his side comfortably against the back couch cushion, weed finally starting to creep into the edges of everything. It brings with it a smile he's having a hard time trying to suppress. ]
Let's go back to the magical... ancient ruins part, or better yet, you do something unflattering for once. You're, like, six weeks overdue. Bring some balance back into the universe.
[ There's a lot of unflattering information he could share. His tendency to avoid emotional confrontations, the overprotectiveness of friends and loved ones he's still learning to curb, his marital fuck-ups, his ignominious death. His body count, somewhere in the low thousands at this point. His arrogance and overconfidence when he knows he's right. ]
I've never read any Shakespeare unless under duress?
[ Nate stymies and reaches for the bong again, thumbs drumming the glass before he takes another hit and exhales with a heavy sigh.
He's pretty sure it's high school when you start getting overexposed to some of the "classics," so he follows the thread to the next logical point. ]
I...didn't finish school? Dropped out in the sixth grade.
[ Ian pulls a kind of flat, disbelieving expression at Shakespeare — not because he doubts Nate's inexperience, but because... I mean, come on man? The most unflattering thing about you is you can't quote Macbeth? Get the fuck out of here.
Except it tangents off into an actual suitably surprising fact that Ian finds genuinely mindblowing. ]
Wait-- what? Seriously? Are you fucking with me?
[ Maybe he shouldn't be so surprised, he thinks Luke dropped out of high school — or maybe it was his first semester of college? Whatever the case, he knows from a place of logic that intelligence has nothing to do with formal education.
[ He replaces the equipment on the table and casts his arm back over the couch, thumbing at the joint of his ring finger for a moment while he decides how he wants to explain it. He could have easily gotten his GED if they settled somewhere stable, Sam taking a job while Nate got increasingly frustrated with classes. He doesn't remember the last lesson he got. English class, maybe? Something about The Odyssey?
Nate turns his attention back to Ian and the smile he wears is a little softer. Nothing regretful, but neither is it something to be especially proud of. ]
When we left the orphanage, I just...didn't go back to school. And then we were traveling, which made it harder. So I never finished.
[ He's been unashamedly, unsubtly curious as hell about Nate's life and his history. That attentiveness is written pretty clearly in his expression, with a subtle knit to his brow and a kind of quiet contemplativeness hovering around his mouth.
It makes sense, really. It lines up with all of the snippets of Nate's life he's gotten so far — slowly but surely filling in those blanks. ]
Huh.
[ Is what he ultimately settles on, and-- ]
That's kind of crazy, you're insanely smart, I wouldn't have guessed. I don't know if I'd count that as unflattering, though.
[ Just kind of a life thing. Then again, it's possible he's a little biased in Nate's favor. The weed isn't helping. ]
[ Nate's shoulders lift and fall, a grudging agreement accompanied with a quiet I read a lot of books, because that's really what it came down to. Sam would dig out a bunch of cheap stuff at a thrift store and inundate Nate with reading material, and Nate would in turn chase leads he enjoyed to their natural ends, branching off in dozens of directions. He liked the detective work of it, the immersion. Because of that, though, he missed out on chemistry and ended up having to teach himself a lot of stuff when it came to getting certified for scuba.
It's not unflattering enough, though. Nate opens his mouth, closes it again, thinks. Most of his stock isn't embarrassing or unflattering so much as it is sad, which isn't the kind of olive oil you want to start dipping your metaphorical bread into when you're high. ]
Oh, wait-
[ He visibly brightens, holding one finger up in a "hold, please" sort of gesture, pushes up his sleeves that he has already pushed up, and shakes his shoulders out as though preparing for an act. In one palm he presents the lighter between them, and then proceeds to wave his other hand over it - gone. Hands up, no lighter. He deftly reaches behind Ian's head and withdraws it again, visible, before twisting another gesture and presenting nothing.
Hands down, followed by a small wave at Ian's shirt. ]
[ Color him, like, instantly entertained the second Nate starts pushing up sleeves that aren't even down in the first place. He settles in visibly, a little wiggle in his seat like he's getting comfortable for whatever bullshit this is about to be.
Poof, lighter gone.
Oh shit. Is this some actual legitimate close up magic? He's fucking delighted. Absurdly, ridiculously giddy over it, too enthusiastically shoving his hand in his pocket to pull out the lighter. ]
No fucking way—
[ And if, when, he finds it he straight up throws his head back and laughs. ]
Oh my god, this is-- I am... so happy right now. This is the greatest thing that could have come from this conversation. I'm... wow.
[ Sometimes he gets an eyeroll, or a golf clap, but it's the enthusiastic sincerity that surprises him. Ian is delighted, and it's a really, really nice laugh. Way less restrained than the usual, like he's missing that polite filter from conversations past and Nate feels a little thrill of vindication for it.
It's been a while since he did any actual sleight of hand, and he tends to run the risk of an "ugh, stage magic?" ]
Are you sure? [ He teases with a mischievous grin, ] 'Cause I dunno, I'm gonna treasure your Californication album coming on right after you got all hinky about being stereotyped. Lock that one away in my special memories box.
[ Nate grapples with the impossible for a moment, torn between righteous indignation and the immaturity of a twelve year old. So he opts for the latter, seeing as it's apropos with his lack of formal education after the sixth grade.
Turning, he grabs one of the throw pillows and lobs it at Ian's chest. ]
[ Wow. Truly a Herculean effort, watching the master at work. With one leg crooked, knee pulled up on the couch, Nate observes the struggle with the air of a rich person watching a particularly interesting game of doubles tennis. ]
Amazing.
[ Nate says almost reverently, leaning in and lowering his voice in a decidedly conspiratorial manner. Sucks to be the bearer of bad news. ]
[ And he's just gonna... take that... bong now oh look so distracted by all these drugs.
Except that it's so fucking stupid, it's so stupid that it's funny. There's a laugh struggling to quake out of his stomach, it's bubbling up the back of his throat, and he has to pull his mouth away from the glass before he starts laughing into it.
Hides his smile by rubbing his hand over his lips for a second while the muscles fight against themselves. ]
[ Nate isn't even annoyed because it's so overwhelmingly absurd. It's the future by about five-hundred years, he has a part-time job working for the mob, everyone has powers, and he's sitting in the apartment of someone whose world is overrun with aliens smoking weed like he's a teenager. The instant Ian's shoulders start shaking Nate knows, is already chuckling himself, is having to take sharp breaths to try and stifle the sound before one of them breaks. ]
Okay, that's- that's-
[ The giddiness hits him hard and Nate starts giggling, hunched over his lap and quaking, lightheadedness rippling through like the pleasant sway of tipsiness without the crushing aftershock of hangover.
He fumbles loosely for one of Ian's shoulders and squeezes. ]
[ And that's what breaks him, that grip to his shoulder. All the internalized muscle-spasm twitching starts snaking out of his throat in hisses through his teeth. If it wasn't already visible, the little seismic jerks that happen underneath Nate's hand give it away regardless.
When he manages to find his voice, or he thinks he does enough that he won't let out a proper laugh, he shakes loose a belligerent: ]
No. This is-
[ A sound escapes anyway, he clears his throat to chase it out. ]
[ It shakes through his entire body like a set of maracas, rocking forward and back in place as though the shifting will force some kind of mental recovery from the suddenness of everything being unbearably funny.
Nate takes a couple of sharp, deep breaths, exhaling quickly while his thumb presses against flannel like it's going to provide any sort of acceptable stability. ]
[ Annnnnnnd it's gone, all composure lost, just stupid laughter that peels out so hard he sort of collapses against the back cushion of the couch — probably trapping Nate's hand between his shoulder and the fabric in the process, but he doesn't really notice. ]
You- you got it.
[ He agrees emphatically, except he's definitely giving Nate shit for it. It's somehow still audible despite the fact that he's barely even really making words through the laughter. ]
[ Being the butt of somebody's joke is a sensation with which Nate is one-hundred percent familiar, which is why he doesn't take it personally. It's been weeks since he felt this light and there's no sense in getting all wrapped up in the negative, stomach-churning shit he's been swilling nonstop when there's a much more appealing option: accepting that laughing until he feels sick is the better alternative. ]
Shut- shut up.
[ He wheezes, helplessly shoving at Ian where his hand is bear-trapped against the sofa. With absolutely zero conviction, he forces out: ]
[ He shake shakes his head, a rhythmic and insistent back and forth, but he can't school his mouth down enough to say no you don't. It's implied, it's heavily implied even if he can't get it out.
A second or two later affords him some composure, and he rights himself enough to dip forward and thumb at one of his eyes. He's not quite been reduced to tears, but there's a definite wetness at the corners that he rubs away. ]
Oh, god.
[ He manages absently, a little strained. Between the smoke and the sucking down air, his throat's dry as hell. He pushes to his feet, still rubbing at his eyelashes, pitching out an offer. ]
Hey man, you want some SunnyD? Or like... B or C, or G, fuck. Or water, but I'm tryin' to get rid of my failures.
[ Christ, okay. He can recover from this with minimal incident. He does not, in fact, hate Ian, but he will never be able to peel Winnesota out of his head for the rest of his miserable life here. Stuck too tight.
Nate chokes out something between a laugh and a breath, rubbing at his face with both hands. He falls back on his side of couch, arm dangling over the edge when he glances up at the only man with a plan here. ]
[ The way Nate delivers that pulls a residual, amused laugh from him. He shakes his head on the way to the kitchen, and he returns with the fruit(juice)s of his labor in two glasses.
When he plops down onto the couch it's irreverently, and unintentionally a few inches closer. ]
Dude... how... why do you know how to do fucking... magic? When did you learn that?
[ The song changes to something thankfully less incriminating, and he props one foot at a time up onto the coffee table, crossed at the ankles. ]
[ He only eases himself back up again with Ian's return, murmuring a quiet thanks as he relives him of one of the glasses. It's definitely orange, and looks considerably improved from several of the batches he saw in the fridge not that long ago, so Nate is cautiously optimistic. He takes an experimental sip while pulling his knee further onto the couch.
Not bad. ]
Jesus, no. I used to really like stage magic when I was kid. Read about illusionists and escape artists like...Alexander Herrmann, and Harry Houdini, and Howard Thurston.
[ There are probably some pulls a little too deep, there, but Nate always found a strange kind of delight in the work of turn-of-the-century magicians. With less-advanced technology at their fingertips they had to do more to make the act convincing. ]
Found an old VHS in a Saint Vincent de Paul that somebody had copied a bunch of Buster Keaton movies on and I loved that stuff, the kinda- physical comedy, "now you see me" thing. I started teaching myself, turns out sleight-of-hand works really well for thieves, too.
[ Ian knows exactly one name out of any of the ones Nate just mentioned, and there's a kind of amused expression on his face that suggests as much. He can't make fun, though, he honestly can't. Nate's too sweetly enthusiastic about it for Ian to tease just yet. ]
So... you're a scuba-diving gun-toting bartending archeologist pirate magician.
[ It's a statement and a question at once, correct him if he's wrong. Otherwise, with completely good humor and some kind of creeping fondness in his tone: ]
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[ Matter-of-factly, and just a touch apologetic. Sorry, mister black market acquisition pick pocketing troubled youth.
The song changes, he pauses, then shoots an accusatory look at his MP3 player for a second. Okay, listen- ]
Shut up, shh, don't even say anything, that doesn't count.
[ He is a victim of fate and circumstance here, okay. Fingers crossed this is one of those random pop culture black holes in Nate's resume. Lots of places like that band. ]
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Eyebrows climbing toward his hairline Nate’s teeth dig into his lower lip, a poor excuse for masking the satisfaction at Ian’s expense. He shouldn’t look pleased, but- ]
Wow. Red Hot Chili Peppers, deep cut. Should I ask what “counts?”
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[ He answers brightly, conversationally, because in the three seconds he has to think about it nothing clever comes to mind.
Though, honestly, it's hard to be anything but amused when Nate's wearing that expression. Even at his own expense. He settles his side comfortably against the back couch cushion, weed finally starting to creep into the edges of everything. It brings with it a smile he's having a hard time trying to suppress. ]
Let's go back to the magical... ancient ruins part, or better yet, you do something unflattering for once. You're, like, six weeks overdue. Bring some balance back into the universe.
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[ There's a lot of unflattering information he could share. His tendency to avoid emotional confrontations, the overprotectiveness of friends and loved ones he's still learning to curb, his marital fuck-ups, his ignominious death. His body count, somewhere in the low thousands at this point. His arrogance and overconfidence when he knows he's right. ]
I've never read any Shakespeare unless under duress?
[ Nate stymies and reaches for the bong again, thumbs drumming the glass before he takes another hit and exhales with a heavy sigh.
He's pretty sure it's high school when you start getting overexposed to some of the "classics," so he follows the thread to the next logical point. ]
I...didn't finish school? Dropped out in the sixth grade.
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Except it tangents off into an actual suitably surprising fact that Ian finds genuinely mindblowing. ]
Wait-- what? Seriously? Are you fucking with me?
[ Maybe he shouldn't be so surprised, he thinks Luke dropped out of high school — or maybe it was his first semester of college? Whatever the case, he knows from a place of logic that intelligence has nothing to do with formal education.
But.
Still. ]
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[ He replaces the equipment on the table and casts his arm back over the couch, thumbing at the joint of his ring finger for a moment while he decides how he wants to explain it. He could have easily gotten his GED if they settled somewhere stable, Sam taking a job while Nate got increasingly frustrated with classes. He doesn't remember the last lesson he got. English class, maybe? Something about The Odyssey?
Nate turns his attention back to Ian and the smile he wears is a little softer. Nothing regretful, but neither is it something to be especially proud of. ]
When we left the orphanage, I just...didn't go back to school. And then we were traveling, which made it harder. So I never finished.
[ Common Core would hate him. ]
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It makes sense, really. It lines up with all of the snippets of Nate's life he's gotten so far — slowly but surely filling in those blanks. ]
Huh.
[ Is what he ultimately settles on, and-- ]
That's kind of crazy, you're insanely smart, I wouldn't have guessed. I don't know if I'd count that as unflattering, though.
[ Just kind of a life thing. Then again, it's possible he's a little biased in Nate's favor. The weed isn't helping. ]
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It's not unflattering enough, though. Nate opens his mouth, closes it again, thinks. Most of his stock isn't embarrassing or unflattering so much as it is sad, which isn't the kind of olive oil you want to start dipping your metaphorical bread into when you're high. ]
Oh, wait-
[ He visibly brightens, holding one finger up in a "hold, please" sort of gesture, pushes up his sleeves that he has already pushed up, and shakes his shoulders out as though preparing for an act. In one palm he presents the lighter between them, and then proceeds to wave his other hand over it - gone. Hands up, no lighter. He deftly reaches behind Ian's head and withdraws it again, visible, before twisting another gesture and presenting nothing.
Hands down, followed by a small wave at Ian's shirt. ]
Check your pocket.
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Poof, lighter gone.
Oh shit. Is this some actual legitimate close up magic? He's fucking delighted. Absurdly, ridiculously giddy over it, too enthusiastically shoving his hand in his pocket to pull out the lighter. ]
No fucking way—
[ And if, when, he finds it he straight up throws his head back and laughs. ]
Oh my god, this is-- I am... so happy right now. This is the greatest thing that could have come from this conversation. I'm... wow.
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It's been a while since he did any actual sleight of hand, and he tends to run the risk of an "ugh, stage magic?" ]
Are you sure? [ He teases with a mischievous grin, ] 'Cause I dunno, I'm gonna treasure your Californication album coming on right after you got all hinky about being stereotyped. Lock that one away in my special memories box.
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[ Brightly, despite the fact that Otherside is still clearly playing on the table in front of them.
And just to really seal in the absurdity: ]
I'm from Minnesota.
[ He's never even been to Minnesota. He does try and put a little Minnesota flair on the pronunciation though, with... debatable amounts of success. ]
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[ Nate grapples with the impossible for a moment, torn between righteous indignation and the immaturity of a twelve year old. So he opts for the latter, seeing as it's apropos with his lack of formal education after the sixth grade.
Turning, he grabs one of the throw pillows and lobs it at Ian's chest. ]
Name one Minnesota city that isn't the capital.
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And in his own home--
The order seems to freeze him for a second, eyes lifting up to the ceiling, teeth sinking into lower lip. ]
Fffff....
[ No no just wait give him a second here he....
can do this...
He blows out a slow breath. ]
...Mil ...wuakee?
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Amazing.
[ Nate says almost reverently, leaning in and lowering his voice in a decidedly conspiratorial manner. Sucks to be the bearer of bad news. ]
That's Wisconsin.
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[ And he's just gonna... take that... bong now oh look so distracted by all these drugs.
Except that it's so fucking stupid, it's so stupid that it's funny. There's a laugh struggling to quake out of his stomach, it's bubbling up the back of his throat, and he has to pull his mouth away from the glass before he starts laughing into it.
Hides his smile by rubbing his hand over his lips for a second while the muscles fight against themselves. ]
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Okay, that's- that's-
[ The giddiness hits him hard and Nate starts giggling, hunched over his lap and quaking, lightheadedness rippling through like the pleasant sway of tipsiness without the crushing aftershock of hangover.
He fumbles loosely for one of Ian's shoulders and squeezes. ]
Stop laughing.
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When he manages to find his voice, or he thinks he does enough that he won't let out a proper laugh, he shakes loose a belligerent: ]
No. This is-
[ A sound escapes anyway, he clears his throat to chase it out. ]
This is classic comedy for Minnesota.
[ Wait, fuck-- ]
Wisconsin.
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[ It shakes through his entire body like a set of maracas, rocking forward and back in place as though the shifting will force some kind of mental recovery from the suddenness of everything being unbearably funny.
Nate takes a couple of sharp, deep breaths, exhaling quickly while his thumb presses against flannel like it's going to provide any sort of acceptable stability. ]
Misconsin. Wait, no- Winnesota. Fuck.
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You- you got it.
[ He agrees emphatically, except he's definitely giving Nate shit for it. It's somehow still audible despite the fact that he's barely even really making words through the laughter. ]
That's it, that's the one—
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Shut- shut up.
[ He wheezes, helplessly shoving at Ian where his hand is bear-trapped against the sofa. With absolutely zero conviction, he forces out: ]
Misconsin, oh, I hate you-
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A second or two later affords him some composure, and he rights himself enough to dip forward and thumb at one of his eyes. He's not quite been reduced to tears, but there's a definite wetness at the corners that he rubs away. ]
Oh, god.
[ He manages absently, a little strained. Between the smoke and the sucking down air, his throat's dry as hell. He pushes to his feet, still rubbing at his eyelashes, pitching out an offer. ]
Hey man, you want some SunnyD? Or like... B or C, or G, fuck. Or water, but I'm tryin' to get rid of my failures.
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Nate chokes out something between a laugh and a breath, rubbing at his face with both hands. He falls back on his side of couch, arm dangling over the edge when he glances up at the only man with a plan here. ]
Surprise me.
[ He bestows upon him, as if sharing a secret. ]
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When he plops down onto the couch it's irreverently, and unintentionally a few inches closer. ]
Dude... how... why do you know how to do fucking... magic? When did you learn that?
[ The song changes to something thankfully less incriminating, and he props one foot at a time up onto the coffee table, crossed at the ankles. ]
Or- wait, is that your actual power?
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Not bad. ]
Jesus, no. I used to really like stage magic when I was kid. Read about illusionists and escape artists like...Alexander Herrmann, and Harry Houdini, and Howard Thurston.
[ There are probably some pulls a little too deep, there, but Nate always found a strange kind of delight in the work of turn-of-the-century magicians. With less-advanced technology at their fingertips they had to do more to make the act convincing. ]
Found an old VHS in a Saint Vincent de Paul that somebody had copied a bunch of Buster Keaton movies on and I loved that stuff, the kinda- physical comedy, "now you see me" thing. I started teaching myself, turns out sleight-of-hand works really well for thieves, too.
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So... you're a scuba-diving gun-toting bartending archeologist pirate magician.
[ It's a statement and a question at once, correct him if he's wrong. Otherwise, with completely good humor and some kind of creeping fondness in his tone: ]
Dude, you're the weirdest person I've ever met.
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