hadriel { ic inbox }

[nonscriptum]

This is Nate, you know what to do. I'll...probably get back to you.

Comments

[synthedick]

Talking to myself hasn't gotten me anywhere. The thoughts just keep rattling around in my head, clogging up my memory. The damn thing's got enough to process without this, too.

[And it's all one big reminder of just how inhuman he is. No matter how real he feels some days, he's not. How many years has he been around, and he still struggles with this? How many times has he dealt with it, and just forgotten, like DiMA says?

His fingers tighten again, that rusted one not budging.]

Henry's gone, and no one else even knew I ended up with that weapon. Not even Rey. I guess I just... wanted someone else to know. To make sure I've got my head on straight, and that I'm doing the right thing.

[He doesn't like to question his own judgment, but there's a lot about himself he's questioning these days, and the precedent of Guard leadership set before him doesn't help.]

[nonscriptum]

[Sometimes, having one other person know your secret is enough. Enough to unburden the mind and ease the sharp edge of guilt that would otherwise winnow its way under your skin, dulling the ache. Times like these, that someone might become the arbiter of forgiveness for exercising restraint, for keeping secrets.

Nate hates being in that position but understands the stress and effort that goes into keeping shit tucked away; not to mention the trust extended to him by someone he genuinely likes.

Hands on his hips Nate nods slowly, worrying his lip with his teeth.]

Sometimes you're never gonna know if you are. [He says with unprecedented sagacity, feeling the words as though they were a palpable weight.] But I- ...I'm glad you said something. We've got a lot of problems here, but miscommunication's the easiest one to avoid.