[ Nate knows what it is within the first sentence. It's something he's warned Sully of, something that still bothers him about his brother's (admittedly understandable) addiction. Nate has known a lot of smokers, grown up with them, been raised by them. Hell, Sister Catherine used to sneak cigarettes when she thought Father Duffy wasn't looking. A woman of God indulging a vice. Everyone has their poison, but sometimes the poison chooses the date and time of death.
Kept on doin' it...all the way past diagnosis, a foregone conclusion, nothing to be done about it. The financial burden that comes with it, the potential of treatment not sticking and risking a relapse, the discouraging lack of desire to do better and just accept the hand fate has dealt. Probably just didn't want to saddle her son with debt.
As a kid, for a while, he'd thought his own parents were selfish. That his father could just drop his children off at an orphanage and surrender them to the state was unforgivable. That his mother didn't want to stay, didn't even try. Uncharitable, bitter thoughts compounded by having to reconcile the few memories he has of Cassandra Morgan before she took her life.
Nate knows now it was far from easy, that depression ate away at her even as she taught him his Latin numbers at the dinner table. He can't hold it against her and never really has.
It's just difficult, to be alone. To feel abandoned by people who are supposed to love you. ]
no subject
Kept on doin' it...all the way past diagnosis, a foregone conclusion, nothing to be done about it. The financial burden that comes with it, the potential of treatment not sticking and risking a relapse, the discouraging lack of desire to do better and just accept the hand fate has dealt. Probably just didn't want to saddle her son with debt.
As a kid, for a while, he'd thought his own parents were selfish. That his father could just drop his children off at an orphanage and surrender them to the state was unforgivable. That his mother didn't want to stay, didn't even try. Uncharitable, bitter thoughts compounded by having to reconcile the few memories he has of Cassandra Morgan before she took her life.
Nate knows now it was far from easy, that depression ate away at her even as she taught him his Latin numbers at the dinner table. He can't hold it against her and never really has.
It's just difficult, to be alone. To feel abandoned by people who are supposed to love you. ]
Jesus. That had to be hard.