[ What the fuck is it about Wade that every time he tries to do something nice Nate instinctively wants to recoil? The man makes breakfast, invites him out for some post-simulation beers, tries to ask if he's okay, and all Nate wants to do is crawl under a rock for being the asshole who can't accept an outstretched hand. He can bandage people up with skin to skin contact, he's done so multiple times now, but those were situations he could largely control.

When he's this tired, he doesn't know what might push through. ]

Look, I know what you're trying to do, and I appreciate the gesture.

[ He doesn't mean to loosely dodge attempts at being known, but at this point in his life old habits die hard. Nate owes Wade more than excuses about how bad he is at talking about anything that isn't first filtered through a set of jokes. Even then, he can't speak directly to the issue at hand, maneuvering through experience as a proxy. ]

...When I was in Hadriel I led this expedition out across the tundra to find these old outpost bunkers. We were trying to get information on the hive mind that built them and thought they'd be research facilities. [ He sucks his lip between his teeth and worries it for a moment. ] Turns out they were labs. Container after container after container of bodies of the city's previous residents, stockpiles of chemical supplies and surgical implements, video files of "tests." There were dozens of them. I watched them so nobody else in the group had to, in case something we needed was buried in the data.

[ His jaw tightens and he finally turns to look at Wade, fixing him with a hallowed, firm stare. ]

I had sympathy for them. The test subjects. But I didn't know what it was like.