[Nate's unwillingness to answer Wade's question has been noticed, but he decides not to press the issue. Seems to be the wrong place for it. Instead he offers another one of those wry, humorless laughs.]
Heh. Yeah, I know the feeling. Kinda become the expert on those types of doctors over the years. At least these were more clinical than most. I mean, still wasn't fun, but there's nothin' more creepy than the medical types who get off on watching their guinea pigs squirm. That's just the cherry on the nightmare fuel cake, right there.
[Okay, so that might have been a bit too candid. Wade stops his tongue from wagging any further by taking another swig, already feeling the alcohol pool warmly inside his stomach. One good thing about not having a healing factor anymore-- he's got a much lower tolerance this time around. He shifts awkwardly.]
How many times they get you?
Heh. Yeah, I know the feeling. Kinda become the expert on those types of doctors over the years. At least these were more clinical than most. I mean, still wasn't fun, but there's nothin' more creepy than the medical types who get off on watching their guinea pigs squirm. That's just the cherry on the nightmare fuel cake, right there.
[Okay, so that might have been a bit too candid. Wade stops his tongue from wagging any further by taking another swig, already feeling the alcohol pool warmly inside his stomach. One good thing about not having a healing factor anymore-- he's got a much lower tolerance this time around. He shifts awkwardly.]
How many times they get you?
[ An expert on those types of doctors speaks to an uncomfortable kind of personal experience, one that Nate absorbs slowly while watching him, eyes slightly narrowed, trying to puzzle something out. Having a general dislike of doctors is normal - hospitals are hotbeds for disease and infections, healthcare in the United States is a fucking sham, people being charged with the care of your body is terrifying - but this speaks to something more accurately aligned with what the Null did to the original denizens of Hadriel.
He remembers their strange, nautilus-like bodies floating in massive tubes of saline, alcohol, and other mysterious liquids. Remembers the footage he saw once he'd translated their system's main key codes, the files labeled as numbered experiments and tests. The alien screams. ]
I lost track after thirty.
[ His shoulders rise and fall listlessly and he thumbs the printed label on his bottle. ]
Did something happen to you?
He remembers their strange, nautilus-like bodies floating in massive tubes of saline, alcohol, and other mysterious liquids. Remembers the footage he saw once he'd translated their system's main key codes, the files labeled as numbered experiments and tests. The alien screams. ]
I lost track after thirty.
[ His shoulders rise and fall listlessly and he thumbs the printed label on his bottle. ]
Did something happen to you?
[There he goes, trying to make things about Wade again. If he was even the least bit distracted this sudden deflection would've been lost on him, but Wade's been around Nate enough times to pick on some of his habits. Not that he doesn't think Nate is sincere in inquiring about his own health-- far from it. But Wade couldn't call himself an expert on reading people if he didn't notice the subtle cues in body language. The awkward, uncomfortable shifting. The sudden blank gaze, as if he's lost in a memory he's struggling hard to lose.
When you know how to look for it, this guy's just as bad at hiding his inner thoughts as Wade himself is. Maybe it's the reason why Wade picks up on it so easily. He answers Nate's question with a shrug. Might be hypocritical of him, all things considered, but Wade's been so used to playing off his own feelings that it comes to him as natural as breathing, these days.]
Eh. You been on one laboratory slab, you been on 'em all. At least all these times gettin' caught was kinda sorta my aim. Still wasn't fun, but hey-- gotta take your small victories where you can find 'em, right?
[Too casual. Again. Wade closes his eyes for a few second, his mouth tightening into a line as if he's disgusted with himself. When he opens them again, all bluster and bravado is gone from his face.]
Hey. It's... it's okay, y'know? We can talk about something else if you don't wanna get into it. Just thought you might wanna get some of it off your chest. Sorry.
When you know how to look for it, this guy's just as bad at hiding his inner thoughts as Wade himself is. Maybe it's the reason why Wade picks up on it so easily. He answers Nate's question with a shrug. Might be hypocritical of him, all things considered, but Wade's been so used to playing off his own feelings that it comes to him as natural as breathing, these days.]
Eh. You been on one laboratory slab, you been on 'em all. At least all these times gettin' caught was kinda sorta my aim. Still wasn't fun, but hey-- gotta take your small victories where you can find 'em, right?
[Too casual. Again. Wade closes his eyes for a few second, his mouth tightening into a line as if he's disgusted with himself. When he opens them again, all bluster and bravado is gone from his face.]
Hey. It's... it's okay, y'know? We can talk about something else if you don't wanna get into it. Just thought you might wanna get some of it off your chest. Sorry.
[ What the fuck is it about Wade that every time he tries to do something nice Nate instinctively wants to recoil? The man makes breakfast, invites him out for some post-simulation beers, tries to ask if he's okay, and all Nate wants to do is crawl under a rock for being the asshole who can't accept an outstretched hand. He can bandage people up with skin to skin contact, he's done so multiple times now, but those were situations he could largely control.
When he's this tired, he doesn't know what might push through. ]
Look, I know what you're trying to do, and I appreciate the gesture.
[ He doesn't mean to loosely dodge attempts at being known, but at this point in his life old habits die hard. Nate owes Wade more than excuses about how bad he is at talking about anything that isn't first filtered through a set of jokes. Even then, he can't speak directly to the issue at hand, maneuvering through experience as a proxy. ]
...When I was in Hadriel I led this expedition out across the tundra to find these old outpost bunkers. We were trying to get information on the hive mind that built them and thought they'd be research facilities. [ He sucks his lip between his teeth and worries it for a moment. ] Turns out they were labs. Container after container after container of bodies of the city's previous residents, stockpiles of chemical supplies and surgical implements, video files of "tests." There were dozens of them. I watched them so nobody else in the group had to, in case something we needed was buried in the data.
[ His jaw tightens and he finally turns to look at Wade, fixing him with a hallowed, firm stare. ]
I had sympathy for them. The test subjects. But I didn't know what it was like.
When he's this tired, he doesn't know what might push through. ]
Look, I know what you're trying to do, and I appreciate the gesture.
[ He doesn't mean to loosely dodge attempts at being known, but at this point in his life old habits die hard. Nate owes Wade more than excuses about how bad he is at talking about anything that isn't first filtered through a set of jokes. Even then, he can't speak directly to the issue at hand, maneuvering through experience as a proxy. ]
...When I was in Hadriel I led this expedition out across the tundra to find these old outpost bunkers. We were trying to get information on the hive mind that built them and thought they'd be research facilities. [ He sucks his lip between his teeth and worries it for a moment. ] Turns out they were labs. Container after container after container of bodies of the city's previous residents, stockpiles of chemical supplies and surgical implements, video files of "tests." There were dozens of them. I watched them so nobody else in the group had to, in case something we needed was buried in the data.
[ His jaw tightens and he finally turns to look at Wade, fixing him with a hallowed, firm stare. ]
I had sympathy for them. The test subjects. But I didn't know what it was like.
Edited (word fix) 2020-07-02 16:47 (UTC)
@lance.sweets | sometime now-ish whatever ends up working
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lifetothefullest
2020-07-07 02:58 am (UTC)(link)
Hey Nate, I was hoping I could ask a favor. Nothing big.
[Aka nothing inherently serious.]
[Aka nothing inherently serious.]
[ As if Nate would refuse Lance any sort of favor. ]
sure, shoot
sure, shoot
So I kind of lost my ability to be a taser, and people keep telling me how dangerous it gets here, so I guess I was hoping your offer of fighting lessons from back in Hadriel is still on the table. Even though I sucked at it last time.
[And is still going to.]
[And is still going to.]
i lost all the magic that taako taught me, so i get where you're coming from. i know a couple gyms that have free hours for personal training. we can go when it's not busy.
[ He remembers clearly how insistent Lance had been the last time, about being away from prying eyes. ]
[ He remembers clearly how insistent Lance had been the last time, about being away from prying eyes. ]
Okay, great, that'll work. I have basically no obligations right now, so whenever's best for you is fine with me.
[And he's totally not already nervous about this, despite that he trusts Nate and Nate's clearly being considerate, but he's been unexpectedly dealing with some reminders of both why he needs lessons and why anything to do with physical fighting scares him. And he should probably just say that, but that would involve actually doing what he tells other people to do about feelings, which is... Ugh.]
[And he's totally not already nervous about this, despite that he trusts Nate and Nate's clearly being considerate, but he's been unexpectedly dealing with some reminders of both why he needs lessons and why anything to do with physical fighting scares him. And he should probably just say that, but that would involve actually doing what he tells other people to do about feelings, which is... Ugh.]
[ Something about the wording feels off, but he's feeling just kind enough to not get on Lance's case about it. ]
you wanna start tonight?
you wanna start tonight?
[Lance is the one who suggested this so he's not going to then be a wuss about it in theory, and he reminds himself this is important. Besides, he's also bored.]
Yeah, sure. Might as well get started as soon as possible.
[Since the sooner you start practicing the sooner you get good, right? Right.]
Yeah, sure. Might as well get started as soon as possible.
[Since the sooner you start practicing the sooner you get good, right? Right.]
[The look Nate gives him. It pierces through Wade's chest; leaves him feeling like he's unable to breathe for a split second. He's seen that look before in the past-- the haunted, deadened look of someone who's experienced horrors beyond human imagining. A look he's most likely worn before, underneath his carefully-woven defenses of irreverent humor and devil-may-care posturing.
After a few agonizing seconds of being held in place by Nate's gaze, Wade manages to turn back to the view of the city's skyline. His chest rises and falls in a sigh.]
Yeah. I know. You feel bad for people in situations like that, but it's hard to understand unless you've lived through it. It's... not something most people should live through, honestly.
[Least of all someone like you.]
After a few agonizing seconds of being held in place by Nate's gaze, Wade manages to turn back to the view of the city's skyline. His chest rises and falls in a sigh.]
Yeah. I know. You feel bad for people in situations like that, but it's hard to understand unless you've lived through it. It's... not something most people should live through, honestly.
[Least of all someone like you.]
wear some long sleeves if you don't wanna accidentally feel anything
meet me here in 2 hours?
[ Nate sends along a GPS ping: it's a gym not far from Red Wings, in a discreet part of the neighborhood. Side road. Not well-traveled. ]
meet me here in 2 hours?
[ Nate sends along a GPS ping: it's a gym not far from Red Wings, in a discreet part of the neighborhood. Side road. Not well-traveled. ]
When do I wear short sleeves?
[Okay, to be fair, he does occasionally, but this is much more a Nate problem. Though it does make him wonder--]
What about gloves?
[Good, that place seems out of the way; he's trusting Nate's judgement and would've even if it were a more obvious place, but this seems pretty ideal.]
Sounds good.
[Okay, to be fair, he does occasionally, but this is much more a Nate problem. Though it does make him wonder--]
What about gloves?
[Good, that place seems out of the way; he's trusting Nate's judgement and would've even if it were a more obvious place, but this seems pretty ideal.]
Sounds good.
[ He's grateful he doesn't have to explain further, not because he's incapable of it, but because it's a hair too far down the emotional intimacy scale and he isn't entirely sure he's ready to have that with anyone in this place. Not when he's going to lose them all the same way he lost everyone in Hadriel.
It's not a matter of if, but when. ]
...yeah.
[ His gaze drops back to his thumbs, still scratching the label off of the bottle. ]
Yeah. But I can take it.
It's not a matter of if, but when. ]
...yeah.
[ His gaze drops back to his thumbs, still scratching the label off of the bottle. ]
Yeah. But I can take it.
Yeah. I know. You've "had worse".
[That... came out more bitter than he was expecting, and in chagrin he stoppers his disloyal mouth with another slow swig of beer. He doesn't know why he should feel so hurt that Nate isn't sharing more with him-- shallow, superficial friendships are what he's used to; what he's most comfortable with. Anything deeper than that is too dangerous; too uncontrollable.
And yet. And yet.
Wade's chest rises and falls in a sigh.]
Look, I meant what I said. You don't wanna talk about it, an' that's fine. I ain't gonna pry. Not like I've never kept things close to the vest.
[He suddenly turns to catch Nate's eye again, his expression decidedly forthright and candid despite his obvious apprehension.]
But... uh. In the future, if you ever decide you, y'know... can't take it? Don't forget that I'm only a room away, okay?
[The words feel odd in his mouth-- he's not used to offering to be the guy who listens to people's problems. But it's the least he can do for someone who's put up with him for this long, right?]
[That... came out more bitter than he was expecting, and in chagrin he stoppers his disloyal mouth with another slow swig of beer. He doesn't know why he should feel so hurt that Nate isn't sharing more with him-- shallow, superficial friendships are what he's used to; what he's most comfortable with. Anything deeper than that is too dangerous; too uncontrollable.
And yet. And yet.
Wade's chest rises and falls in a sigh.]
Look, I meant what I said. You don't wanna talk about it, an' that's fine. I ain't gonna pry. Not like I've never kept things close to the vest.
[He suddenly turns to catch Nate's eye again, his expression decidedly forthright and candid despite his obvious apprehension.]
But... uh. In the future, if you ever decide you, y'know... can't take it? Don't forget that I'm only a room away, okay?
[The words feel odd in his mouth-- he's not used to offering to be the guy who listens to people's problems. But it's the least he can do for someone who's put up with him for this long, right?]
Edited 2020-07-13 01:58 (UTC)
it's a personal preference thing. i'll bring some wraps for you.
[ Which is the last thing he sends before he sets about wrapping up a shift early, intent on passing the time this evening in a considerably more interesting venture than slinging shots at various Displaced with burgeoning forays into alcoholism. He finishes up, packs a small bag, and heads over.
It's dark when Nate arrives, the purples of dusk just starting to disappear at the edges of what little horizon he can see. With the new plant life crawling over the city it genuinely feels more comfortable than it did when he arrived - a little piece of home away from home.
The gym is empty when he nudges the door open, which isn't unexpected: slow nights and weird hours. Perfect spot for Lance to be comfortable with potentially embarrassing himself in front of an old friend. ]
[ Which is the last thing he sends before he sets about wrapping up a shift early, intent on passing the time this evening in a considerably more interesting venture than slinging shots at various Displaced with burgeoning forays into alcoholism. He finishes up, packs a small bag, and heads over.
It's dark when Nate arrives, the purples of dusk just starting to disappear at the edges of what little horizon he can see. With the new plant life crawling over the city it genuinely feels more comfortable than it did when he arrived - a little piece of home away from home.
The gym is empty when he nudges the door open, which isn't unexpected: slow nights and weird hours. Perfect spot for Lance to be comfortable with potentially embarrassing himself in front of an old friend. ]
[He'd meant about the empathy bond issue, but he'll let that go in order to instead focus on fretting over preparing to meet up with Nate later.
And since he gets most of that nervous energy out by wandering around in the city, getting a snack, and exploring a few shops, he feels calmer than expected by the time he locates the gym and cautiously steps inside. It's definitely quiet and seemingly deserted, two major bonuses, and those things also make it easy to spot Nate.]
Hey. How was work?
And since he gets most of that nervous energy out by wandering around in the city, getting a snack, and exploring a few shops, he feels calmer than expected by the time he locates the gym and cautiously steps inside. It's definitely quiet and seemingly deserted, two major bonuses, and those things also make it easy to spot Nate.]
Hey. How was work?
Slow.
[ He's loitering by the edge of the ring, pushing his sleeves up to his elbows and shooting Lance a grin. The last time they did this, they walked so far out of the way Nate thought they might get lost going back. Lance wanted privacy and by God, he got it. ]
Sometimes I'd rather some disaster happen just to break up the monotony.
[ He's loitering by the edge of the ring, pushing his sleeves up to his elbows and shooting Lance a grin. The last time they did this, they walked so far out of the way Nate thought they might get lost going back. Lance wanted privacy and by God, he got it. ]
Sometimes I'd rather some disaster happen just to break up the monotony.
[Lance gives Nate's sleeves a look, resigns himself to that they're going to accidentally activate the empathy bond about forty times, and sighs at Nate's comment as he wanders further into the room.]
I'm going to remind you that you said that next time there's a disaster.
[And that promised--]
How actually dangerous is this place anyway? I mean, I've heard your stories and some from other people, but I guess I'm wondering whether fist-fighting is actually a situation that's likely to come up.
[It had in Hadriel, although the physical altercations he'd gotten into he either didn't fight back or just used his gun or magic. But people here keep claiming that all the Displaced are mostly well behaved toward each other, and he isn't totally sure about what kind of external threats he should be expecting.]
I'm going to remind you that you said that next time there's a disaster.
[And that promised--]
How actually dangerous is this place anyway? I mean, I've heard your stories and some from other people, but I guess I'm wondering whether fist-fighting is actually a situation that's likely to come up.
[It had in Hadriel, although the physical altercations he'd gotten into he either didn't fight back or just used his gun or magic. But people here keep claiming that all the Displaced are mostly well behaved toward each other, and he isn't totally sure about what kind of external threats he should be expecting.]
[ There's a harshness to that statement and Nate feels guilty again for functioning the way that he always does: pretending things are fine for his own safety, and the sanity of others. No one needs to know. He can't even say it, and what is he supposed to put to words, anyway? Yeah, I was tortured multiple times and it was fucking terrifying and it hurt and I don't want to do it again, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat if it meant someone else didn't have to.
That'll go over really well, Nathan Drake is so adjusted.
Wade is only a room away and Nate wishes it were so easy to walk over, knock on the jamb, and ask to sit for a little while as though things were perfectly normal and not one crisis after the other. It would be nice, to be in company. It would be nicer still if he wasn't convinced that doing so would taint this otherwise pleasant thing they have going. ]
I'm not good at this. [ He admits, expression open and candid. ] Sharing, I mean. It's not you. I promise it's not you.
That'll go over really well, Nathan Drake is so adjusted.
Wade is only a room away and Nate wishes it were so easy to walk over, knock on the jamb, and ask to sit for a little while as though things were perfectly normal and not one crisis after the other. It would be nice, to be in company. It would be nicer still if he wasn't convinced that doing so would taint this otherwise pleasant thing they have going. ]
I'm not good at this. [ He admits, expression open and candid. ] Sharing, I mean. It's not you. I promise it's not you.
Edited 2020-07-19 12:29 (UTC)
[There's that urge again-- the urge to just shut down; to emotionally distance himself from the conversation with a poorly-timed joke or sarcastic remark. Shallow humor has been his shield for so long that he has no idea how to deal with someone being real with him, and that in itself has something strangely funny about it. Hypocrite, a cynical, familiar voice tells him from the dark recesses of his mind, offering support when you're standing in quicksand yourself.
Wade huffs out another laugh, tearing his eyes away from Nate's. It's suddenly become too much too look at his face.]
Well, I mean... I'm not really good at this whole empathy thing either, y'know? A-And I ain't just talking about the weird bond thing we've all got now, apparently. So I guess in a way we're... y'know. Even.
[He almost ends it there, but something in him compels him to share more; to give Nate something in exchange for his own candor.]
I meant what I said before, you know. About this not being my first time. Those guys who get off on suffering that I was talking about earlier? I, uh... kinda have firsthand experience. Though you probably already figured that out by now.
[He takes another gulp of beer, feeling the familiar warm dullness spreading over his brain, more quickly than it would have if his healing factor was still in working order. Good. He's gonna need to be a little dull for this conversation.]
Wade huffs out another laugh, tearing his eyes away from Nate's. It's suddenly become too much too look at his face.]
Well, I mean... I'm not really good at this whole empathy thing either, y'know? A-And I ain't just talking about the weird bond thing we've all got now, apparently. So I guess in a way we're... y'know. Even.
[He almost ends it there, but something in him compels him to share more; to give Nate something in exchange for his own candor.]
I meant what I said before, you know. About this not being my first time. Those guys who get off on suffering that I was talking about earlier? I, uh... kinda have firsthand experience. Though you probably already figured that out by now.
[He takes another gulp of beer, feeling the familiar warm dullness spreading over his brain, more quickly than it would have if his healing factor was still in working order. Good. He's gonna need to be a little dull for this conversation.]
[ When an offer like this comes apropos of nothing, Nate has genuine cause for concern. If it came gift-wrapped with a little more beating around the bush he wouldn't immediately have some suspicion that something has happened. ]
sure. where do you want to meet?
sure. where do you want to meet?
[ Half of him wants to say red wings or his own apartment, but the latter contains an ever-recovering alcoholic and the former leaves too much room for dwelling on close to home, familiar things. Out, then. But somewhere he's not going to spend the whole time wondering whether or not he's being observed.
There's a brief delay as he tracks it down, then Stephen drops a pin to a little rooftop bar he'd passed by on a walk. The place had been totally overgrown in the great plant influx of 2511 and remains a small forest, but a quick cooltalk search provides evidence of little warrens cut out between seating nooks and the bar. ]
No hurry. I'll meet you there whenever you're free.
There's a brief delay as he tracks it down, then Stephen drops a pin to a little rooftop bar he'd passed by on a walk. The place had been totally overgrown in the great plant influx of 2511 and remains a small forest, but a quick cooltalk search provides evidence of little warrens cut out between seating nooks and the bar. ]
No hurry. I'll meet you there whenever you're free.
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